all monsters and dust

13.4.04

can i get evicted for never answering the door?

I woke up in the middle of the night last night worrying about what my landlord's son, who she sends around to pick up the rent, thinks about me. I'm pretty sure it was him that I saw that day through my front window, getting out of his car, right before I got up and went into the bathroom and turned on the water. I didn't hear him knocking, but the noise of the fan probably drowned it out.

I'm pretty sure he also saw me. I'm pretty sure we made eye contact.

I'm worried because he hasn't come back again. Or maybe he has and I was legitimately not home. Why didn't he leave a note or something? Why doesn't my landlord just call to ask when I will be home? Maybe she lost my phone number again. Maybe she is out of town and her son doesn't have it. Still, he could have left a note. Why can't I just mail them the cheques? What if he doesn't come again until next month? It will be so awkward.

With every day that goes by and he doesn't show up I grow a little more frantic. And a little more angry at myself for caring about SOMETHING SO COMPLETELY STUPID.

I just don't want him to think that I was sitting silently in the dark on the other side of the door pretending not to be home. Like I was all those other times.
 




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"The mind of the thoroughly well informed [person] is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, and everything priced above its proper value."

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