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i guess that autumn gets you remembering / and the smallest things just make you cry / autumn's here
It feels like fire ants are eating my throat from the inside out so I have cancelled all my fun halloween plans and will instead be spending it feeling miserable and making countless pots of soup. Well, two so far (cauliflower sweet potato; miso) but there are plans germinating for a third (split pea). Soup is the only thing I can eat.
It's probably just as well, since I have been getting myself into a bit of a funk lately with memories of happy halloweens past, many featuring old friends I will probably never see again, unless I go to a high school reunion, or to an afterlife. Neither of these seems likely to me at this point.
Autumn has long been my favourite season. I love rosh hashanah and halloween and thanksgiving. Most of all I love the colours, the leaves falling, the smell of smoke, the crisp cool air, the wearing of sweaters. But this year I have not really been enjoying it.
Instead, I have been looking forward to the winter holidays. I actually flipped through my calendar to see when hanukkah was. And I made latkes and hung up some mini-lights on the tropical plant in my bathroom. I really, honestly, have never been this excited about winter coming before. It's weird, and very out of character. I think it represents a HUGE psychological shift, the extent of which I cannot begin to understand. In other words: I am very afraid of my new self and her desire to sniff pine oil all the time.
Autumn is wasted on me this year. I hope it isn't on you.
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"The mind of the thoroughly well informed [person] is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, and everything priced above its proper value."
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