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pensively delirious
I have slept about 3 hours a night for the past 3 nights. Either I am secretly very stressed about something or I have developed sleep apnea or I need a new bed because this one is falling apart and uncomfortable. Or possibly all three.
This morning I got up and showered at 5AM. Because I was awake. And I didn't feel like getting up to do the dishes (which are still dirty as of this writing). And I didn't feel like lying in bed for another hour worrying about how I wasn't sleeping. Then I sat around until 6:30 debating whether to go back to bed or get dressed and go to work. I opted for work. The sun was not up yet when I got to work at 7AM. I was the only person in the whole office for two hours. (Please note I usually get there around noon. And, in fact, the day before I worked from noon until 8PM, which means that I was back at the office only 11 hours after I left.) It was the most incredibly surreal day I've had in a long time. Being awake at 7AM feels to me like being stoned. I kept having weird food cravings like fake turkey and lettuce sandwiches, and black cherry chocolate chip ice cream and sushi. Oh and sour cream and onion chips, WHICH I DON'T EVEN LIKE. Being awake and at work at 7AM feels like what I imagine it would feel like to take some harder drug, like maybe PCP, but I wouldn't really know first hand.
During the three hours of sleep that I got I dreamed I was grocery shopping and thinking up a plan on how to sneak out of the grocery store without paying. The plan involved spilling something to create a diversion, I think. Anyway, I never got around to going through with the plan, because I left my shopping cart to look for something and when I came back, MY BABY WAS GONE. Oh, you didn't know I had a baby? Neither did I, until the point in the dream when it went missing. And I was confused for a second, but then it was clear to me that the baby was my mother's (which would not be physically possible, unless it was adopted, which in the dream it was not, but this explanation nevertheless satisfied me in the dream, even though it actually makes even less sense than me having a baby I didn't know about.) Then I had a big hysterical fit in the middle of the grocery store and had to be restrained. Then I woke up and it was 4AM and I lay there for an hour trying to understand my dream logic about the baby situation before I gave up and decided to get up and shower.
After work I came home and ate some fake turkey and chips and watched some TV, which was, unfortunately, some Dr. Phil pre-marital bootcamp bullshit. There was a young couple on who had decided not to have sex until after they were married and I fell asleep thinking about how it would be a much better show if Dr. Phil had forced them to just have sex already, or at least taught them about masturbation, or, you know, done anything remotely helpful, instead of timing how long it took them to properly assemble a crib, and I woke up a few hours later feeling extremely sick to my stomach. Probably because of the chips.
And now it's 2AM once more and so I'm off to bed again to stare at the clock and pray that tomorrow is nothing like today.
[Although that segment of the Daily Show I just watched about the whole bloggers breaking news about fake journalist internet pornstar later reported on CNN scandal was possibly my favourite ever and almost makes this day feel worth it. You give a little (sanity), you get a little (humour). Thanks, Stephen Colbert.]
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