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ok clam down
Children around the world believe that Sylloge can answer their questions.
best of the world according to garp
"He could not imagine actually doing it. But he liked to imagine the suicidal writer grinning at his successful mischief, while once more he read and revised the last message he would leave -- a note aching with despair, and appropriately humorless. Garp liked to imagine that moment, bitterly: when the suicide note was perfect, the writer took the gun, the poison, the plunge -- laughing hideously, and full of the knowledge that he had at last got the better of the readers and reviewers. One note he imagined was: 'I have been misunderstood by you idiots for the last time.'"
sometimes the paranoid are being followed
I had this title in mind because I was planning to write a post about how I think I broke the digital recorder that belongs to my company because I can't get it to turn on anymore so now I have to give it back to them to fix and I am very nervous that if they manage to fix it they will also be able to retrieve the five hundred million non-work-related telephone conversations I surreptitiously recorded, (yes, this is illegal, but let's not dwell there; I was not doing it maliciously, I just like recording things) many of which involve me talking about how stupid my job is.
Or, if they can't fix it, that they will make me pay for it. That piece of crap is expensive.
So, I was walking around thinking about karma, and the mysterious forces of the universe, when something strange happened. I ran into an old friend of mine I haven't seen in many months two days in a row in two different and equally unexpected places. It's hard to chalk something like that up to pure coincidence and forget about it. What is going on here? Does some higher power want me and this friend to reconnect? Why this particular person? Why now?
I became so consumed with these thoughts that I completely forgot about how much shit I am going to eat over the digital recorder. Hmm, could that be part of God's plan too? For someone who doesn't believe in God, I sure am starting to feel like there is Someone out of get me. Or at least teach me something.
stranger than fiction
I opted to take the metro to work today instead of the bus because the late-morning traffic report told me that a "bizzarre hostage taking incident in Westmount" was diverting traffic onto a clogged Parc Avenue. I got to work early and the hostages were freed, so I think it all turned out fairly for all concerned.
Happy Birthday, Scooter!
march effect
Happy St-Patrick's Day! Also, happy feast day of St-Isidore, patron saint of the internet. I made brownies. If you are nice, I will share.
March is my absolute least favourite month of all time. Every year, in March, I tell myself that next year I will leave, and spend Winter elsewhere. Then, suddenly, before I even notice or have time to make plans to move to Costa Rica, it is March again and I am still here and I hate the world. Winter continues to drag on and on when it is supposed to be Spring and the sky is just perpetually grey. It is freezing cold today, but I am reluctant to drag out my winter coat again, which I put away last week, when it was above freezing. I will surely get sick next week.
Everyone at work is tired and unmotivated and so am I. You can see it in their eyes, vaguely glazed over, and the slump of their shoulders, and the general dishevelment in their appearance. You can tell just by looking that they are beyond caring at this point. And they readily admit to it, since they see all the same signs in me and want to commiserate. Commiserating is sometimes the best you can do. All the meaningful work has been done and there is only drudgery left. I am simply passing the time, waiting for the renewed energy that comes when the weather warms up and the sun is still shining when I leave the office. In the meantime I am just ignoring everything on my to-do lists and moping around.
This guy I hate, who used to stalk one of my best friends after she accidentally made out with him at a party one time, told me disdainfully that seasonal affective disorder is psychosomatic; but I don't care or believe him. First of all because he is an asshole, but mostly because, so what? Even if it is psychosomatic, that doesn't change the fact that I am depressed. It is like some kind of reverse placebo effect. No one can explain the placebo effect, but it has been scientifically proven to work. I am sure if someone scientific bothered to study it, they would find that there is a March effect.
except to buy crack
The crazy candy-giving bus driver had green, orange and white balloons up in his bus to celebrate St-Patrick's Day. And he was giving away candy. And chatting with his crazy passenger friend. (The driver is Quebecois and the passenger is Chinese. They're speaking French.)
Driver: Here, have some candy! For St-Patrick's Day!
Passenger: You should have worn green! For St-Patrick's Day!
Driver: Well, I would have, if I had been allowed, but we're not. I would have maybe worn one of those skirts, you know, what are they called? Kilts?
P: Yeah, kilts, but those are Scottish.
D: Oh, really?
P: You have to be careful not to confuse them, because they are not the same. They are both Gaelic, though. Both part of the Gaelic family. They are like cousins.
D: Right, right. Huh. What's the difference, though?
P: You know, it's like the Israelis, I mean the Jews, and the Arabs. They are cousins, you know.
D: They are?
P: Yup.
D: But they don't like each other much.
P: Just like in real families. Ha ha.
D: Heh, yeah.
P: But the ones you have to be real careful about are the Hindus, oops, I mean, the Indians. You have to be careful, because the religion is Hindu and the nationality is Indian. That's confusing. You have to be careful not to mix them up.
D: Now, Hindus are a lot like Chinese, from what I understand.
P: Um...
[fast-forward through the rest of this part of the conversation which is borderline retarded and racist, to later, when the driver is trying to hand out candy to people getting on the bus]
D: [poutily] No one is taking my chocolate!
P: It's because of lent! They're not eating chocolate! Because of lent!
D: Oh, right, lent. Hey, did you know that in the olden days people used to fast during lent? That's right, they didn't eat for forty days and forty nights.
P: Hmmm. I'm not sure-
D: Of course, these days, they can't do that anymore because all the restaurants would go under.
P: Well, you know, the restaurants today aren't really doing any better than they were before. I mean look, here, on this street, Parc, there's so many restaurants and they're just empty. Look, there's one coming up, I'll show you. See?
D: Oh, well, that? That's the worst restaurant I've ever seen! I mean, come on! That's probably not even a restaurant, it's just a shitty cover-up for a crack house. They just put a sign out front and deal drugs out the back. They probably don't even sell food! I would never go there!
P: Um, no, it's a restaurant. I've been there. The food is good. It's a mixture of Indian and Chinese.
D: Well, it looks like a crack house to me. Very suspicious.
P: Um, ok. Well, see ya. [exits bus]
D: Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
colour wheel
I made blueberry cornbread. And even though it makes perfectly logical sense that blue plus yellow equals green... it is an unexpectedly unappetizing equation. It tastes good if you can get over what it looks like, but that's surprisingly hard to do.
no mourning on purim
Happy Purim and Int'l Women's Day!
Dress up, eat prunes, make lots of noise, celebrate your life and your right to equality.
I don't have much to add. In truth I'm feeling exhausted and cranky and more than a little sad about Spalding Gray. He was amazing and it's such a loss.
There is so much wrong with the world. Please take the time to be thankful for everything that is right and to think about what you can do to make the rest better.
embarassment of riches
I'm not sure which is worse. The part of today where I found myself locked in the stairwell of my office building; or the part where I found myself watching Starsky and Hutch.
my brain is on extended holiday
After work today I held the elevator for the guy just coming out of the office and then pressed the close door button. Then I took my scarf out of my bag and put it on. Then I put on my jacket. Then I picked my bag back up off the floor of the elevator and looked up, expecting the doors to open any second. But the lit number above the door still said five. Groaning, I push the button for the lobby. The guy, standing behind me, snarkily asks, "Did you push the button?"
"Yes! I did!" I say indignantly. "Or, at least... I thought I did. Hmm. Maybe I didn't. Sorry about that," I mumble. He laughs at me all the way down.
God Hates Shrimp
well it should, because it is, but -- wait, what?
The first thing my cousin said when she saw me was, "Hey, your hair looks like it's a natural colour!"
In other news, I am home. I am tired. I took an extra day of vacation today but it has not made the idea of going back to work tomorrow any easier.
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"The mind of the thoroughly well informed [person] is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, and everything priced above its proper value."
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