| all monsters and dust |
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the flu shot would have come too late
I wish that I hadn't eaten that piece of chocolate AP gave me that she probably COUGHED ON. I wish that I knew of a better remedy for curing my cough that the one that J suggested: putting fried onions on my chest and letting the juices seep into my skin. Update! My mother suggested gargling with apple cider vinegar, which seems much worse. It smells too much like tear gas.
i guess that autumn gets you remembering / and the smallest things just make you cry / autumn's here
It feels like fire ants are eating my throat from the inside out so I have cancelled all my fun halloween plans and will instead be spending it feeling miserable and making countless pots of soup. Well, two so far (cauliflower sweet potato; miso) but there are plans germinating for a third (split pea). Soup is the only thing I can eat. It's probably just as well, since I have been getting myself into a bit of a funk lately with memories of happy halloweens past, many featuring old friends I will probably never see again, unless I go to a high school reunion, or to an afterlife. Neither of these seems likely to me at this point. Autumn has long been my favourite season. I love rosh hashanah and halloween and thanksgiving. Most of all I love the colours, the leaves falling, the smell of smoke, the crisp cool air, the wearing of sweaters. But this year I have not really been enjoying it. Instead, I have been looking forward to the winter holidays. I actually flipped through my calendar to see when hanukkah was. And I made latkes and hung up some mini-lights on the tropical plant in my bathroom. I really, honestly, have never been this excited about winter coming before. It's weird, and very out of character. I think it represents a HUGE psychological shift, the extent of which I cannot begin to understand. In other words: I am very afraid of my new self and her desire to sniff pine oil all the time. Autumn is wasted on me this year. I hope it isn't on you. 
my own personal koan
The best description I have been able to come up with for how I have been feeling is this: it's like there is a swarm of buzzing insects (bees, flies, mosquitos, etc) inside my body -- mostly in the head area -- and they are all franctically flying around looking for a way to get out, like they do when they get trapped inside the house and keep flying into windows they can't see. But in this case they can't get out because my entire body has been tightly wrapped in mummy-cloth and thrown into a vat of molasses. In other words: I miss you, and I am sorry I have been out of touch, but I am stuck in a vat of molasses with a swarm of bees right now. I still love you, but I need to get this figured out first.
finally the chinese government and i agree on something
A Chinese man has been refused permission to name his son '@'. But WHY would he WANT to??? I am all for non-boring names, but shouldn't they at least be words? What is WRONG with people today? Children should not be named after brands you like (especially of liquor, or shoes), and if you are going to make their name up, at least make it something pronounceable. Also, changing your own name to 'They' is horrifyingly narcissistic, to the point of staggering psychosis. Psychosis! It is everywhere I turn these days! Maybe it's contagious. (Speaking of contagion -- if my company were paying for flu shots, should I get one? Please email your thoughts.)
south africa has too many holidays
The government wants to cancel one, the public wants to create more. They have 16. We have 10. I think 12 would be a perfectly reasonable number of holidays. One per month. I have always been of the opinion that we could use a statutory holiday in February sometime. (I think I am suffering from post-holiday/vacation depression. Work is not going so well.)
he's a comedian
There is a woman standing on the corner in front of MusiquePlus, yelling, trying to get people to donate money to some "refuge." Across the sidewalk from her is a panhandler, yelling, "If you would just give us money, then you wouldn't have to give them money! Ha! No, just kidding, at least they won't spend the money on drugs and alcohol! Ha! No but seriously, though, I don't spend the money you give me on drugs. I spend it to pay back the money I owe to my drug dealer! Ha! Completely different things! Hey, you! Do you have any change?" I really like the guy who asks if you have any spare change for drinking beer and kicking ass better.
this is what our society has created
Scoop Da Poo, LLC
slang flashcards
I totally want these.
sing me a story i haven't heard yet
Dear People Behind Us At The Weakerthans Concert, It is nice that you have memorized their latest album in its entirety, but that is really not a good excuse to sing along (and sound out the guitar solo) excessively loudly, off key, and ONE BAR AHEAD OF THE BAND that I (and presumably you, as well,) have come to see perform their own goddamn material. Stay at home and air guitar to your stereo, asshole. There are real musicians here, this isn't fucking karaoke night. Shut up before I punch you in the neck. Sincerely, Laura Dear Friend of a Friend Who Came to the Concert and Afterwards Complained That It Was Too Loud and "Just Sounded Like Noise To Me," Oh my god, are you secretly 60 years old? Are you retarded? Amplified music is loud because it is amplified. It is this new trend in live music that you probably haven't heard of for perfectly logical reasons like you are the world's biggest douche. You should probably not leave your house ever again and concentrate on crocheting doilies for your collection and staying caught up on your stories. I am considering ending my friendship with the friend who brought you along even though I really like her and she has great taste in music just in order to minimize the chances that I ever see you again. Sincerely, Laura With those out of the way, I would just like to say, ohmygod I love The Weakerthans so much that it makes my teeth hurt. If I were smarter I would write more about how amazing their music is, but it is just so good and beautiful that it makes me feel useless and stupid. Also, it makes me kind of gushy, which is a symptom of the stupid, I guess. I would, however, like to know what is going on with the band. Is John S. back? I mean, he was there last night, but so were the two Fembot replacements, right? WHAT IS THE DEAL, WEAKERTHANS?
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"The mind of the thoroughly well informed [person] is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, and everything priced above its proper value."
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